My Daddy

I've been writing this blog in my head ever since Mother's Day. I've written it and re-written it in my mind. But now as I sit down to put it on my blog, I can't seem to organize my thoughts.

There are so many wonderful things I could say about my dad. So many great memories. So many, in fact, that they are all jumbled in my mind; each one fighting for a chance to be told. If I told it all, this blog would take too long to write and way too long to read. So here are only three of the most important things I learned (and continue to learn) from my daddy.

1. Love Everyone

I don't think my father has ever met a stranger. I know that sounds weird, but once he meets you, you are his friend. I remember when I was a little girl and we would go on camping trips. One of the first things Dad would do once we got our tent up and got settled in was to meet the neighbors. He would introduce himself to everyone camping around us. If we walked to the Ranger Station, he would make friends with everyone along the way. If we had to go to the campground laundry facilities, by the time we left, he could tell everyone in the laundromat goodbye by name.

While I was growing up, Daddy was a highschool band director. He had an award-winning band program. In a highschool of 600 or 700 students, he had a band of 100 to 150 students every year. One of the reasons Dad had such a successful band was that he LOVED everyone of those kids, and they knew it.

When I got into highschool, I loved being Mr. Bos's daughter. I loved how much he was loved. Having your dad as a teacher in highschool would probably be most kids' worst nightmare, but - because of my dad's love - having him at school with me everyday was the best!

2. I have a Heavenly Father Who Loves Me

This was kind of a residual lesson that Dad taught me without saying it outloud. The concept of a loving Heavenly Father was always so easy for me to understand. It was easy for me to concieve of a Father in Heaven who loves me unconditionally; Who loves me just as I am; Who loves me in spite of myself; Who loves all of me. When I attended BYU during my first semester, I remember sitting around the kitchen table with my room-mates one night discussing unconditional love. Some of them could not grasp the concept of a Heavenly Father who could love them even if they were not always doing what was right. They had a hard time understanding a God who loves ALL of His children, good and/or bad. During that discussion, I had a huge "aha" moment and realized that my ability to believe in a Heavenly Father who loves me came because of my life experience with an earthly Father who loves me. Thank you Daddy for always loving all of me, good and bad.

3. Serve Others, Willingly, Joyfully and Quietly

My Dad (and Mom) taught all of us how to serve others by showing us service in it's purest form. Dad taught school full-time. When he got home, many nights he went on church assignments. On weeknights after work and on weekends, he worked around our house. Mowing, weeding, planting, painting, fixing our cars, fixing our pump, fixing whatever needed to be fixed. Then, he was always first in line when there was a service assignment. If someone needed to move, he was there to help. If someone needed a lawn mowed, he was there. When we had a church farm assignment, he (and ALL of our family) was the first one there and the last one to leave. Growing up, I don't think I ever left a church meeting/activity before everyone else was gone and all the dishes were done and all the chairs were put away and all the work was done. I don't ever remember complaining or feeling badly about that. It's just what we did. My daddy has spent his life serving others. I am greatful for that joyful legacy.

Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I love you!

My Mother

I am 53 years old. I have lived for over half a century. When I say that out-loud, it’s kind of scary. I don’t feel that old. In fact, sometimes I feel very young. (Then I look in the mirror or notice the rolls around my middle and I remember.)

Anyway, as Mother’s Day approaches, I think about the fact that my mother is almost exactly 20 years older than I am. (Which means that she is almost 3/4 of a century old, but that’s not what this blog is about.) What this blog is about is that fact that she has always been just far enough ahead of me to lead the way and mark the trail before I get there.

I kind of think of her as my point man. My forward scout. My own personal trail-blazer. In reality, I know that’s not true. I know that she has led the way for my two brothers and two sisters. I know that she is still blazing a trail for her grandchildren. I also know that she quietly marks the path for others, some I know and many that I may never know about.

But, when it’s just me and my mom, I still feel like it’s all about me. That’s one of the things she’s the best at. My mom is really good at listening to you and making you feel like you are important. Like your feelings are important. Like your ideas are important. Like you’re smart and witty and fun to talk to.

She will listen to me whine about my problems and act like she enjoys listening. And, once I’m all talked out, she’s exceptionally good at gently teaching me what I need to know and making me think that I thought of it all by myself. I am the mother I am because of my mother. (and father, but it is Mother’s Day, so daddy’s blog will have to wait until June.)

A few things my mother taught me:

1. Fulfill your commitments. Once when I was a teenager, I didn’t do the dinner dishes when it was my turn. My parents were out for the night and instead of cleaning up, I goofed off and went to bed. When my parents got home, my mother came and woke me up. She was not angry, just firm. She reminded me that the dishes still needed doing. Then, she stayed up and sat in the kitchen and talked to me and laughed with me while I did them. She didn’t need to give me a lecture. I got the message.

2. Keep confidences. I came home from junior high one day and tried to repeat some gossip about one of my friends to my mother. As I started to speak, she said, "Is this something nice? Will telling me this help this person?" When I responded negatively, she informed me that she didn’t want to hear it if it wasn’t nice. I was extremely frustrated by that! However, it created an opportunity for her to teach me that gossip hurts not only the gossipee, but also the gossiper! One of the main things I remember learning from the conversation is, "If you have a friend who talks about other people when you are with her, then when she is with other people, she will be talking about you."

3. Treat everyone (including your children) with respect. My mother called me one day just as I was in the midst of a conflict with one of my young teenage sons. I felt that he was not treating me with the respect I deserved as his mother. Consequently, we were clashing frequently and it was impacting our relationship negatively. As I told my mother of my difficulties with this child, she said, "It takes two to fight, Michele." I explained again that I was not starting the conflict, I was just responding to his bad behavior. "Who is the adult here, Michele?" I again (heatedly) explained that I was his mother and he would treat me with the respect I deserved. "Do you treat him with respect?" I finally said goodbye and hung up the phone. I was disturbed by her questions. I knew I was in the right! But, as I humbled myself and really pondered her instructions, I knew she was right. I needed to respond to this son in love, not in anger. I needed to be more concerned about his feelings than my own. I needed to act like the adult in the situation, not the child. I changed my attitude and (not surprisingly) his also changed.

4. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Some of my earliest memories are of attending church and church activities with my parents. I remember kneeling at my bedside with my mom and dad as a small child and saying my prayers. I remember prayers with my family morning and night. I remember service projects at the church farm. I remember Family Home Evenings where I learned to bake my first treats and prepare my first lessons. I grew up knowing that God was real and that He loved me. I knew that because He loved me, I loved Him. And because I loved Him, He would help me to keep His commandments. My life (and the lives of my husband and children) are richly blessed because my mother (and father) taught me to trust the Lord.

There are many more things I learned from her, but you get the general idea. My mom continues to teach me as I watch her live her life twenty years ahead of me. Even now, she is not afraid to stretch and grow and learn and change. In the picture at the beginning of this blog, she and I are standing at Jeffries Bay in South Africa. She and my dad had just finished their mission to South Africa/Namibia.

As I watch my mother's life, I can see what to look forward to. I am able to pattern my life after hers and know what the results will be. In a way, she allows me to see my future. And, the future looks good!

Happy Mother’s Day, Mommy. I love you!

Change

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

This is a quote attributed to Maria Robinson. I have no idea who she is or was, but I love the quote.

Today I am feeling like there are many things that I wish I could change. I'd like to be able to go back and have a chance to change some of the decisions I have made over the years that have led us to this point, but I can't. It is comforting to know that I can start today and make a new and better ending to our lives.

I am incredibly grateful to my Heavenly Father for all of my blessings. I want to be a better servant and disciple of Christ in order to show my gratitude. I love Alma 5.

7 Behold, he changed their hearts; yea, he awakened them out of a deep sleep, and they awoke unto God. Behold, they were in the midst of darkness; nevertheless, their souls were illuminated by the light of the everlasting word; yea, they were encircled about by the bands of death, and the chains of hell, and an everlasting destruction did await them.

8 And now I ask of you, my brethren, were they destroyed? Behold, I say unto you, Nay, they were not.

9 And again I ask, were the bands of death broken, and the chains of hell which encircled them about, were they loosed? I say unto you, Yea, they were loosed, and their souls did expand, and they did sing redeeming love. And I say unto you that they are saved.

10 And now I ask of you on what conditions are they saved? Yea, what grounds had they to hope for salvation? What is the cause of their being loosed from the bands of death, yea, and also the chains of hell?

11 Behold, I can tell you—did not my father Alma believe in the words which were delivered by the mouth of Abinadi? And was he not a holy prophet? Did he not speak the words of God, and my father Alma believe them?

12 And according to his faith there was a mighty change wrought in his heart. Behold I say unto you that this is all true.

13 And behold, he preached the word unto your fathers, and a mighty change was also wrought in their hearts, and they humbled themselves and put their trust in the true and living God. And behold, they were faithful until the end; therefore they were saved.
14 And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?

I have experienced this mighty change in my heart many times in my life, but I'm in a bit of a slump. I'm having a hard time making these changes I need to make in my life. I'm allowing the stress and cacaphony of the world take control of my life. Daily, I lose sight of my eternal goals and become focused solely on what is going on in my mortal life. I know I need the Lord's help more now than ever, but I'm having a hard time asking for it. I'm not praying or reading the scriptures like I know I should. It's not so much that I am putting my trust in the arm of flesh, I'm just not putting my trust anywhere. I love the Lord, I know He loves me, but I'm so exhausted by just trying to keep the wolf from the door that I have lost my connection to Him.

I want to sing the song of redeeming love. I want the peace that comes from righteous living. I want my soul to expand and I want to share the joy that comes from the Lord with everyone around me. I need to make some changes in my life and I can NOT do it without help from Jesus Christ.

I am so grateful for repentence. I am so grateful for Christ's atoning sacrifice. I am so grateful for mornings and fresh starts.

Behold the Wounds in Jesus' Side

This weekend was our stake conference. The entire conference was good, but the highlight for me was on Saturday night when our stake choir sang a song I don't remember hearing before.

It was written by John V. Pearson and put to music by David R. Naylor.

The lyrics are:

Behold the wounds in Jesus' hands,
The Marks upon His side.
Then ponder who He meant to save
when on the cross He died.

We cannot see the love of God
Which saves us from the fall,
Yet know that Christ from wood and nails
built mansions for us all.

Behold the outstretched hands of Christ,
Our God, who came to save,
Whose love and grace redeems our souls
And lifts us from the grave.

Though bruised and battered as we stray
His loving hands caress,
He washes and annoints with oil
Then in His arms we rest.

Behold the wounds in Jesus' hands,
Look to your Lord and live
He yearns to bless you with His love
And all your sins forgive.

Oh empty is the heart of man
When it is filled with sin.
Come open wide your broken heart
And let your Savior in!

Behold His wounded hands and feet!
Come touch and see and feel
The wounds and marks that you may know
His love for you is real.

Then as you fall to worship Him
And wash His feet in tears,
Your Savior takes you in His arms
And quiets all your fears.
Your Savior takes you in His arms
And quiets all your fears.

Will I ever get it right?

Friday night, a dear friend of mine died of breast cancer.

For many years, she was my neighbor. Our children grew up together. She had three boys who matched up pretty closely in age with three of my sons. For a few years, it seemed like one of them was with one of my boys almost 24/7. We love those kids. When I go back through family pictures from that era, there are many pictures of her boys mixed in with our family pictures.

About ten or eleven years ago, her husband (the boys' father) died of cancer. The day he died is a tender memory that I hold in a special place in my heart. Her youngest (who was 9 at the time) called to tell us that his daddy had died. He called in the middle of the night and because we did not hear the phone, he had to leave a message. If I concentrate, I can still hear his little voice giving us the news.

The next morning, as soon as I heard the message, I threw on my jeans and a sweatshirt and ran to their house. I spent the morning snuggled on the couch with the family while daddy's body rested in the other room as we waited for someone to come and pick him up. I loved that little family fiercely at that moment. I vowed (in my heart) to always love those boys and their mommy. I promised (to myself and to the Lord) that I would always be there if they needed me.
A few years later, with only one son still in high school, my friend moved away from our street. We lost touch. I still saw her kids now and again. Sometimes they would drop in to visit. Sometimes we would run into them. I didn't love them any less, but because they were not close, and we didn't spend much time together, it was less convenient to stay in touch. I allowed myself to grow apart from my friend. I saw her very rarely, and we would talk on the phone once or twice a year.

When she got breast cancer, her son told me. I called her. We talked for a long time. She was determined to beat it. She told me she would not let cancer take both parents from her sons. Over the months, I would get reports once in awhile from one of her kids and then I would call. She and I would talk as if we were still neighbors. It was as if time had not passed and we were still young. We would talk about our life hopes and dreams; about our children and their lives; about life in general. But, we never really talked of death.

A little later, I had a conversation with her. She told me that her treatment was not working. She was going to try some alternative treatments that had worked for a friend, but she was not sure how they would work. She sounded less sure that she was going to survive, but still determined to do everything she could to fight. She sounded more afraid. I still did not talk to her of death.

A few months ago, I spoke to her again. She said that nothing was working. She would do no more chemo. It made her horribly ill and was not stopping the cancer. She would choose quality of life over quantity of life. It was the last time I would speak to her and we did not talk of death.

Last week, I got a call from her second son. He was on his way home on emergency leave. The Red Cross had contacted his command and asked that he be allowed to go home for a few days to say goodbye to his mom. I asked him to call me once he saw her and let me know how she was. I did not call her. I prayed for her. I thought about her. But, I did not call her or go and see her. I knew I should. I knew it was urgent. I was prompted almost daily to find out where she was and to go and see her. But, it was a very busy, hectic week at home and at work and at church and every day I found an excuse not to call. I kept saying to myself, "Next week will be less busy for me. I'll call her then. And when I do, we will talk of death. I will share with her my knowlege of what waits for her. I will try to bring her comfort and peace as she passes from this realm to the next."

Saturday I was on my way out of the grocery store after doing my weekly grocery shopping. I was rushing because we needed to leave for a baptism in less than an hour. My day was so busy and filled with activities that I had not even allowed myself to think about visiting my friend. As I drove out of the store parking lot, my cell phone rang. It was my youngest daughter telling me that my friend's youngest son was at our home. I had the instant thought, "That's great! He can give me an update on my friend so I will know when is the best time to go see her next week."

Then my daughter said, "His mama died last night."

I am ashamed. I am heart broken. I am so so so sorry. Now, I will never talk to her of death. I will not bring her peace and comfort. I will not tell her I love her and hold her hand as we speak of things to come. I missed an opportunity to serve her and serve my Father in Heaven. I filled my life with things that really didn't matter and missed out on the one thing that did. I did not listen to the promptings of the Spirit which told me over and over and over to go to her.

I am not worried about her soul. She is a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves her. I knew her heart. I saw how she loved and tried to do what was best. I know that she no longer has pain or sorrow. I know that she has peace now and is now learning much about life and God and things to come.

No, I am not worried about her soul. I am worried about mine.

I have missed so many opportunities to serve in my life. Each time it happens, I tell myself that I will not allow my life to get in the way of my spirit again, but still it happens. I'm reminded of the these lyrics (by Steven Kapp Perry):

"How could I change?
How I had tried.
How I had failed Time after time.
Needing a strength More than my own,
Leaving my faith In God, alone.

How I had prayed Seeking for peace,
How could I change?
How could I be

Born of God, born of God,
A new creation as at first.
Born of God, praising God
For the wonder of a second birth.

O Jesus, thou Son of God,
Have mercy on me!
And remember my sins no more
And may my spirit be

Born of God, born of God,
A new creation as at first.
Born of God, praising God
For the One who came to give us second birth."

I am so thankful for my Savior, Jesus Christ. I am so thankful for a Father in Heaven who loves me even when I am a slothful servant; who allows me to try again and again and again to change. I want to change. I want to become an instrument in the hands of my Father in Heaven. I want to be His hands and His feet and His mouth and to bring His peace to His children.

The second verse of the song goes:

"Seeing the past--How wrong I was.
Saying at last, "Thy will be done."
There was no voice, No shaking earth,
No wond'rous light At my rebirth.

Only a sigh Marking the change,
Only forgiveness Calling my name.

I want to say, "Thy will be done." And I know, with the help of my Savior, I can change. I can be born of God and be a new creature who will listen and obey. This is my prayer.

Pioneers

I grew up in a little one horse town in eastern Washington state. My earliest memories of Pioneer Day are of sitting in my red wagon which my father had miraculously transformed into a covered wagon with baling wire and an old white sheet. I would sit in the "covered wagon" as my pioneer clad parents would pull it behind them in the annual Pioneer Day parade around the city park. As I got older, my younger brothers and sisters and I would decorate our bicycles and ride beside the covered wagon as my parents pulled and the youngest child rode in the wagon. One year, my dad even tried harnessing our dog up to the wagon to pull it. I can’t remember now if that was successful or not.

My home ward had big Pioneer Day parties in the city park every year. The agenda never changed. We would start with the parade around the park. (I’m sure we must have appeared as a pretty rag tag group to the other townspeople in the park, but we didn’t care.) After the parade (in which EVERYONE participated) it was potluck time. Everyone’s moms brought their best potluck dishes and we ate and ate and ate. My dad was always in charge of making the home made root beer. We would finish off with a huge table of desserts and rootbeer floats made with home made root beer and ice cream.

Finally, after everyone was fat and happy and everything had been cleaned up and put away, the whole ward would head over to the city swimming pool which the ward had rented for the night. It was so exciting. I remember the smell of the pool and the coolness of the water in the hot summer air. Some of my favorite memories are riding on my dad’s shoulders as we had chicken fights with my friends and their dads. It was at a Pioneer Day swimming party that I first dove off of a diving board and a year later, closed my eyes, held my nose, gathered my courage, and jumped off the high dive.

So, why am I telling you this story? What’s the point? I have some great memories of Pioneer Day celebrations. I knew the pioneer stories that we learned in Primary and I knew the stories we’d learned in Family Home Evening, but as a child, I didn’t really know or care why we were all celebrating. I just wanted to have a good time. Have my Pioneer Day experiences changed me? Have they brought me closer to my Savior?

A few years ago, many of our youth participated in the handcart trek. Just like I used to do as a child, they dressed up in pioneer clothes. They didn’t have a parade, but they walked a long way pushing and pulling heavy handcarts up and down huge hills. Why did they do that? What’s the point? Did their experience change them? Did it bring them closer to their Heavenly Father and to Jesus Christ?

Elder Dallin H. Oaks asks the following question, "Now, after all these studies and activities, it is appropriate to ask ourselves, Therefore, what? Are these pioneer celebrations academic, merely increasing our fund of experiences and knowledge? Or will they have a profound impact on how we live our lives?"

Elder Oaks then answers his own question, "It is not enough to study or reenact the accomplishments of our pioneers. We need to identify the great, eternal principles they applied to achieve all they achieved for our benefit and then apply those principles to the challenges of our day. In that way, we honor their pioneering efforts, and we also reaffirm our heritage and strengthen its capacity to bless our own posterity and ‘those millions of our Heavenly Father’s children who have yet to hear and accept the gospel of Jesus Christ.’ We are all pioneers in doing so."

So, what are some of the great, eternal principles that the pioneers embodied and that we need to apply in our lives? There are many, but I would like to focus on three principles that pioneers represented: faith, courage, and unity. Then, we can examine how we use those principles in our lives to strengthen and bless those around us. In Mosiah 4:10, it says, "And now, if you believe all these things, see that ye do them." I’m sure Mosiah gave that counsel because it is through our actions that we show our hearts to those around us. It is through our willingness to obey the commandments of the Lord that we show Him how much we love Him. The Saviour said, "If ye love me, keep my commandments." (John 14:15)

So, let’s talk about faith, courage, and unity. With faith in Christ, the Mormon pioneers did the thing that defines all pioneers. They stepped into the unknown. They had an unknown prophet. The belonged to an unknown church. They were headed to an unknown country. Besides their unwavering faith in God, they had faith in their leaders, in one another, and in themselves. They trusted and obeyed and stood courageously strong against formidable opposition. Being faithful gave the Pioneers courage to be obedient. Remember, if we keep the commandments, we are showing Jesus Christ that we love him, and John says, "Perfect love casteth out fear." (I Jn 4:18) When we are obedient, we are filled with love for the Lord and in return we are filled with love from the Lord. Moroni, chapter 7 tells us that "charity is the pure love of Christ" and that it is a gift that Heavenly Father "bestows upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ." When we are filled with His love (charity), we are not afraid to do what is right and to be examples of obedience. His perfect love does cast out fear.

The pioneers forged strong bonds that created an amazing unity within their community. (Have you ever noticed that the root word of community is unity?) We have all heard stories from church history that point out the inclusivity of the early saints. (They were not exclusive, they were inclusive.) When the saints were driven out of Missouri, many were so poor that they didn’t have wagons or teams to use to make the trip. The church members entered into a covenant that no one would be left behind regardless of financial situation. Those who had little shared with those who had none. At great sacrifice, all were moved out of Missouri. Later, when the saints were pushed out of Nauvoo and began to move west, they again included all who desired to come with them. In D&C Section 136:8, the Lord told the Saints in Winter Quarters, "Let each company bear an equal proportion....in taking the poor, the widows, the fatherless, and the families of those who have gone into the army, that the cries of the widow and the fatherless come not up into the ears of the Lord against this people."

Our Prophet, our Stake President and our Bishop have all asked us to become a united people. They have asked us to begin to create Zion in our homes, our wards, and our communities. The title Zion describes a perfectly unified community. In Moses 7:18, it gives this description of the city of Enoch. "And the Lord called his people Zion, because they were of one heart and one mind, and dwelt in righteousness; and there was no poor among them." I love that description. What does it mean to be of one heart and one mind? I believe it means that we have the same ultimate goal. That goal is to return home to our Heavenly Father when this life is over. And, we don’t want to return alone. We want to bring those we love home to Heavenly Father also. When Zion is described as "there were no poor among them," I believe it refers to two kinds of poverty. Certainly in a Zion community, people are not cold or hungry. Everyone’s physical needs are taken care of so that they can focus on the "needful" things of life. In a Zion community there is also no one hungry for the Gospel of Jesus Christ because all of the members of the community love each other (one heart) and share the teachings of God with each other (one mind.).

So, how do we create a unified "Zion" society? I believe it begins in our homes. Are our homes unified? In our homes are we of "one heart and one mind"? Do we talk in our families about our long term goal to have all of us return to our Heavenly Father? Do we have discussions with our children about what that means? Does that ultimate goal influence everything that we do in our families?

In our homes, do we "dwell in righteousness"? Are we, as parents, examples of obedience? Do we model happy righteousness, or do we do what’s right, but moan and groan about it? Or, even worse, do we not even choose the right? King Mosiah tells us to "consider on the blessed and happy state of those that keep the commandments of God." (Mosiah 2) Are our children learning through our examples that it is obedience to the commandments of the Lord that brings true happiness?

Are there any "poor among us" in our homes? I know that we are careful to take care of the temporal needs of our families. They have food to fill them, clothes to cover them, and a roof over their heads to protect them from the elements. But, are we sure that they are also filled with the spirit? Ephesians 3:17 says "That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love may be able to comprehend...and to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God." Have we clothed our families in the "whole armor of God"? (Ephesians 6) Are they not only protected from the elements, but also from the "fiery darts of the adversary" who seeks "to lead them down to destruction"? (1 Ne 15:24)

It is my constant prayer that Joe and I will be able to raise our children in a Zion home. I’m sure that all of you that are parents pray the same prayer even if you don’t use the same words. What would change if all of the members of our families prayed for that blessing? What if all of us as sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, cousins....What if we all prayed for unity in our families and then, with the Lord’s help, worked to become a Zion people?

The Lord gave the answer in D&C 136:11 as he was talking to the saints in Winter Quarters: "And if ye do this with a pure heart, in all faithfulness, ye shall be blessed; you shall be blessed in your flocks, and in your herds, and in your fields, and in your houses, and in your families." In 1 Ne 13:37, the Lord says, " And blessed are they who shall seek to bring forth my Zion at that day, for they shall have the gift and the power of the Holy Ghost; and if they endure unto the end, they shall be lifted up at the last day; and shall be saved in the everlasting kingdom of the Lamb...."

As we are able to bring unity into our families, we will become a Zion people. That unity will spread from our families to our wards and to our communities. We will be able to accomplish much good and to bring many who are searching to a knowledge of the Gospel and to the saving ordinances that lead to eternal life.

I’ll close with a final quote from Elder Oaks. He says, "We praise what the pioneers’ unselfishness and sacrifice have done for us, but that is not enough. We should also assure that these same qualities are guiding principles for each of us as we have opportunities to sacrifice for our nations, our families, our quorums, our members, and our Church."

Grace vs Works

Lately, I’ve spent some time thinking about grace vs. works. I tend to be a gracer. I believe that (as stated in the 3^rd Article of Faith) “…through the atonement of Christ all mankind are saved by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.” (emphasis added.)

Without the atonement of Christ (His Grace), it would not matter how many laws and ordinances we obeyed. We could not save ourselves or get ourselves back to our Heavenly Father. Paul said, “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;” (Romans 3:15) Nephi said “…no unclean thing can dwell with God….” (1 Ne 10:21) Since none of us are perfect (for all have sinned), we cannot be good enough to return to our Father’s presence without the blessing of repentance. Our works alone cannot get us into the Kingdom of God. Without the Grace of Christ, we sinful creatures cannot get back to our Father in Heaven.

I used to imagine that the Judgment Day would be something like this:

Heavenly Father, as Judge, would be sitting at a large desk or table. I would come up to the desk and stand before Him to be judged. He would take out a large scale (you know, the old fashioned kind that Lady Justice is always holding in pictures). He would begin to place on the scale my works. My good works on one side of the scale and my bad works on the other. I imagined that as long as my good works outweighed my bad works, I would be saved and enter into the Kingdom of God.

However, as I have grown older (and hopefully wiser) I have come to see that this is not so. If I have one bad work (sin) on the bad works side of the scale, I am kept out of the Kingdom. There is no place for me. I could have done so many good works during my life that they are piled to the ceiling and the scale is completely tipped over, but if there is the tiniest sin on the other side of the scale, I am unclean and I cannot dwell with God. My good works alone cannot save me. Without the gift of repentance, without Christ’s sacrifice for me, I am lost and cut-off from the presence of God. Christ’s Grace is that He offers to me the possibility of redemption through His mercy.

But, clearly, works have something to do with our salvation. The 3^rd Article of Faith states that through God’s Grace “…all mankind are saved by obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel.” (emphasis added) If obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel does not have the power to save me without the Atonement, how does obedience fit into the plan?

I believe that the “atonement of Christ” and “obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel” are mentioned together in the third Article of Faith because the former leads to the latter.

Christ said, “If ye love me, keep my commandments.” (John 14:15)

Once I am truly saved through the atonement of Christ (His Grace), I become a “new creature” (2 Cor 5:17) and my desire is to keep Christ’s commandments as I understand them. Therefore, my works become irrevocably intertwined with my faith. As I learn more of Christ and the atonement, my love and gratitude to Him cause me to want to be like Him. And my desire to be like Him influences the things I do each day. Therefore, “obedience to the laws and ordinances of the Gospel” follows my true conversion to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. And that obedience draws me closer to Him and allows me to become more and more like Him in my day to day life. If I remain on this path, I will become as the people of King Benjamin who had “…no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.” (Mos 5:2) Through my obedience and the Grace of Christ, I have had a “mighty change of heart.” (Alma 5:14)

I believe that our works play a part in our salvation as they manifest the change of heart that occurs as we become new creatures through the Grace of Christ.

But (and this is a BIG but), if I focus on my works, I run the risk of losing sight of the fact that it is only by and through the “merits and mercy and grace of the Holy Messiah” (2 Ne 2:8) that I have become a new creature. I can easily become enamored of my own merits and quickly forget that I did not bring myself to righteousness. And, in that frame of mind, I forget my purpose. I forget that as my heart becomes more like Christ’s, my purpose is the same as His, “…to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of men.” (Moses 1:39)

Being enamored of my own goodness, I may begin to count my good works, to keep a list in my head of all the good things that I do so that I can present them to the Lord at the Judgment Bar and guarantee my entrance into heaven. I may become so concerned about getting myself exalted that I forget my purpose. I forget that my job is not to save myself, Christ has already done that. My job is to help Him save others. My job is to share the joy, share the Gospel, share the good news, share my blessings with all men (and women.)

I am afraid that I could lose sight of Christ’s gift of redemption to me. I might begin to feel self important and become like one of the murmuring laborer’s in the Parable of the Laborers (Matt 20:1-16) I fear that instead of lovingly welcoming the late coming laborer’s into the vineyard, I could complain when they are given the same reward for which I have labored so long.

I do not want to be like that!

I want to focus on my Savior. I want to be good because I love Him, not in anticipation of some future reward. I want to humbly labor all my days to bring souls unto Him. I want to share great joy with souls that I help to bring into the kingdom of my Father. (D&C 18:15-16) I want to be the penitent prodigal, not the self-righteous older brother. (Luke 15:11-32)

There is a song that says this better than I can. I haven’t heard it for a long time and I can't remember who wrote it, but the words are something like this:

I want to be a window to His love

So when you look at me, you will see Him.

I want to stand so pure and clear that you won’t even know I’m here

And His love will come shining through me.

I want to be a doorway to the truth

So when you walk beyond you will find Him.

I want to stand so straight and tall that you won’t notice me at all

And through my open door He will be found.

A window to His love, A doorway to the truth

A bearer of the message He would have me share with you.

And with each passing day, I want to fade away.

‘Til only He can be seen and I’ve become a window to His love.