I've been writing this blog in my head ever since Mother's Day. I've written it and re-written it in my mind. But now as I sit down to put it on my blog, I can't seem to organize my thoughts.
There are so many wonderful things I could say about my dad. So many great memories. So many, in fact, that they are all jumbled in my mind; each one fighting for a chance to be told. If I told it all, this blog would take too long to write and way too long to read. So here are only three of the most important things I learned (and continue to learn) from my daddy.
1. Love Everyone
I don't think my father has ever met a stranger. I know that sounds weird, but once he meets you, you are his friend. I remember when I was a little girl and we would go on camping trips. One of the first things Dad would do once we got our tent up and got settled in was to meet the neighbors. He would introduce himself to everyone camping around us. If we walked to the Ranger Station, he would make friends with everyone along the way. If we had to go to the campground laundry facilities, by the time we left, he could tell everyone in the laundromat goodbye by name.
While I was growing up, Daddy was a highschool band director. He had an award-winning band program. In a highschool of 600 or 700 students, he had a band of 100 to 150 students every year. One of the reasons Dad had such a successful band was that he LOVED everyone of those kids, and they knew it.
When I got into highschool, I loved being Mr. Bos's daughter. I loved how much he was loved. Having your dad as a teacher in highschool would probably be most kids' worst nightmare, but - because of my dad's love - having him at school with me everyday was the best!
2. I have a Heavenly Father Who Loves Me
This was kind of a residual lesson that Dad taught me without saying it outloud. The concept of a loving Heavenly Father was always so easy for me to understand. It was easy for me to concieve of a Father in Heaven who loves me unconditionally; Who loves me just as I am; Who loves me in spite of myself; Who loves all of me. When I attended BYU during my first semester, I remember sitting around the kitchen table with my room-mates one night discussing unconditional love. Some of them could not grasp the concept of a Heavenly Father who could love them even if they were not always doing what was right. They had a hard time understanding a God who loves ALL of His children, good and/or bad. During that discussion, I had a huge "aha" moment and realized that my ability to believe in a Heavenly Father who loves me came because of my life experience with an earthly Father who loves me. Thank you Daddy for always loving all of me, good and bad.
3. Serve Others, Willingly, Joyfully and Quietly
My Dad (and Mom) taught all of us how to serve others by showing us service in it's purest form. Dad taught school full-time. When he got home, many nights he went on church assignments. On weeknights after work and on weekends, he worked around our house. Mowing, weeding, planting, painting, fixing our cars, fixing our pump, fixing whatever needed to be fixed. Then, he was always first in line when there was a service assignment. If someone needed to move, he was there to help. If someone needed a lawn mowed, he was there. When we had a church farm assignment, he (and ALL of our family) was the first one there and the last one to leave. Growing up, I don't think I ever left a church meeting/activity before everyone else was gone and all the dishes were done and all the chairs were put away and all the work was done. I don't ever remember complaining or feeling badly about that. It's just what we did. My daddy has spent his life serving others. I am greatful for that joyful legacy.
Happy Father's Day, Daddy. I love you!
Saturday, May 7, 2011
I am 53 years old. I have lived for over half a century. When I say that out-loud, it’s kind of scary. I don’t feel that old. In fact, sometimes I feel very young. (Then I look in the mirror or notice the rolls around my middle and I remember.)
Anyway, as Mother’s Day approaches, I think about the fact that my mother is almost exactly 20 years older than I am. (Which means that she is almost 3/4 of a century old, but that’s not what this blog is about.) What this blog is about is that fact that she has always been just far enough ahead of me to lead the way and mark the trail before I get there.
I kind of think of her as my point man. My forward scout. My own personal trail-blazer. In reality, I know that’s not true. I know that she has led the way for my two brothers and two sisters. I know that she is still blazing a trail for her grandchildren. I also know that she quietly marks the path for others, some I know and many that I may never know about.
But, when it’s just me and my mom, I still feel like it’s all about me. That’s one of the things she’s the best at. My mom is really good at listening to you and making you feel like you are important. Like your feelings are important. Like your ideas are important. Like you’re smart and witty and fun to talk to.
She will listen to me whine about my problems and act like she enjoys listening. And, once I’m all talked out, she’s exceptionally good at gently teaching me what I need to know and making me think that I thought of it all by myself. I am the mother I am because of my mother. (and father, but it is Mother’s Day, so daddy’s blog will have to wait until June.)
A few things my mother taught me:1. Fulfill your commitments. Once when I was a teenager, I didn’t do the dinner dishes when it was my turn. My parents were out for the night and instead of cleaning up, I goofed off and went to bed. When my parents got home, my mother came and woke me up. She was not angry, just firm. She reminded me that the dishes still needed doing. Then, she stayed up and sat in the kitchen and talked to me and laughed with me while I did them. She didn’t need to give me a lecture. I got the message.
2. Keep confidences. I came home from junior high one day and tried to repeat some gossip about one of my friends to my mother. As I started to speak, she said, "Is this something nice? Will telling me this help this person?" When I responded negatively, she informed me that she didn’t want to hear it if it wasn’t nice. I was extremely frustrated by that! However, it created an opportunity for her to teach me that gossip hurts not only the gossipee, but also the gossiper! One of the main things I remember learning from the conversation is, "If you have a friend who talks about other people when you are with her, then when she is with other people, she will be talking about you."
3. Treat everyone (including your children) with respect. My mother called me one day just as I was in the midst of a conflict with one of my young teenage sons. I felt that he was not treating me with the respect I deserved as his mother. Consequently, we were clashing frequently and it was impacting our relationship negatively. As I told my mother of my difficulties with this child, she said, "It takes two to fight, Michele." I explained again that I was not starting the conflict, I was just responding to his bad behavior. "Who is the adult here, Michele?" I again (heatedly) explained that I was his mother and he would treat me with the respect I deserved. "Do you treat him with respect?" I finally said goodbye and hung up the phone. I was disturbed by her questions. I knew I was in the right! But, as I humbled myself and really pondered her instructions, I knew she was right. I needed to respond to this son in love, not in anger. I needed to be more concerned about his feelings than my own. I needed to act like the adult in the situation, not the child. I changed my attitude and (not surprisingly) his also changed.
4. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Some of my earliest memories are of attending church and church activities with my parents. I remember kneeling at my bedside with my mom and dad as a small child and saying my prayers. I remember prayers with my family morning and night. I remember service projects at the church farm. I remember Family Home Evenings where I learned to bake my first treats and prepare my first lessons. I grew up knowing that God was real and that He loved me. I knew that because He loved me, I loved Him. And because I loved Him, He would help me to keep His commandments. My life (and the lives of my husband and children) are richly blessed because my mother (and father) taught me to trust the Lord.
There are many more things I learned from her, but you get the general idea. My mom continues to teach me as I watch her live her life twenty years ahead of me. Even now, she is not afraid to stretch and grow and learn and change. In the picture at the beginning of this blog, she and I are standing at Jeffries Bay in South Africa. She and my dad had just finished their mission to South Africa/Namibia.
As I watch my mother's life, I can see what to look forward to. I am able to pattern my life after hers and know what the results will be. In a way, she allows me to see my future. And, the future looks good!
Happy Mother’s Day, Mommy. I love you!